Divorce. It’s a word that, for most people, brings on feelings of anxiety, sadness, and anger. It is seen as the end of a relationship that was supposed to last forever. For many people, it is a failed investment of time, money, and emotion. No matter how it is interpreted, divorce almost always has a negative connotation. Here’s the good news: for most people, divorce is actually the only thing that can save a marriage.
That sounds like an oxymoron, but you read it correctly. Getting divorced or splitting up is sometimes the only way to save a relationship. Your marriage is something that you created. From the moment you said “I do,” you embarked on a journey that involves material and immaterial investments. Practically speaking, your marriage encompasses property, financial assets, and maybe children. Emotionally, you have created a sacred bond that encompasses faith, trust, and ultimate companionship. When you realize that a marriage is no longer working, for whatever reason, getting divorced may allow you to preserve what you have created.
It’s Just Not Working
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People grow, change, and evolve with time. When you realize that the future isn’t looking as bright as you would have hoped, getting divorced will allow you to preserve what you have already created. Did you invest in a new house? You can decide together how you want to reallocate that investment. Do you have young children? Working together to decide what is best for them will allow you to work out a plan that fits your individual lifestyles. You will not be addressing these issues the way you initially intended, but being honest about the state of your relationship will allow you to cooperate and formulate a new plan together.
When a marriage becomes abusive, everything seems harder and more complicated. This is especially true if there has been a pattern of gradually elevating abuse over time. When the dynamics within the family are complicated with control and manipulation, getting divorced may be the only way to keep everyone safe. Seeking professional legal help before starting the process can help you preserve the positive elements of the marriage while breaking away from the abuse. Finding a good lawyer, though, can be hard. Looking for the best divorce lawyers in NYC, for example, is like finding a needle in a haystack. When looking for a lawyer, search for someone with experience in domestic violence cases. You may also seek out the help of non-profit organizations like Jane Doe Advocacy Center that focus specifically on issues like domestic and sexual violence.
In today’s day and age, there is a unique problem among married couples when one of the partners comes out of the closet. For these people, being trapped in a marriage that does not conform to their sexual identity can be detrimental to their mental health and take a serious toll on the relationship. Divorce is generally the best option for the partner who comes out, but it is extremely difficult for the partner who gets blindsided by the situation. If you need help understanding issues unique to the LGBT community and how they impact your relationship, try calling the GLBT National Help Center‘s free hotline.
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Some marriages simply stop working with time. Other marriages are forced apart by unforeseen circumstances. Regardless of how your relationship ends, being honest with yourself, beginning the divorce process early, and remaining cordial will allow you to preserve the spirit of the marriage you have created.